a negação da raiva é que torna-se hostilidade, crueldade, rancor, ódio de si mesmo, culpa,

confusão entre culpa dos outros e culpa própria sendo assim uma corrente de energia negativa.

oguia!

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você pode sentir raiva, mas a raiva verdadeira se sente desnudada e por isso você cria uma raiva falsa.

você pode sentir tristeza, mas fica mortificado ao reconhecer esse estado até para você mesmo, e assim cria uma tristeza falsa, que você facilmente exibe aos outros.

você pode verdadeiramente sentir prazer, mas expor isso também é humilhante, e assim você cria um prazer falso. isso se aplica também a reações como confusão e perplexidade.

o sentimento verdadeiro fica nu e exposto, e por isso você cria um sentimento falso.

você só pode encontrar a verdadeira dignidade quando superar a vergonha de ser verdadeiro – seja lá o que isso significar nesse momento.

oguia!

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camisetas nos tamanhos p | m | g  > malha de algodão  > desenho : fabíolamorais

R$ 40,00 (mais correios para pedidos fora de goiânia) > pedidos para  fabiolamorais.amor@gmail.com ou 62 9211 4644

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via @kairon

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discoverymagazine.com

Many of today’s most exciting imaging techniques give researchers insight into both brain structure and function. Portraits of the Mind calls this type of imaging tool a mindoscope: “a tool that can probe the workings of the mind (the intangibles of conscious experience) and establish how they are linked to the anatomy and function of the brain (structure, chemistry, neural activity).” Tools like functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) allow researchers to watch blood flow to specific regions of the brain, which serves as a proxy for the activity of those neurons. 

One new method called diffusion MRI reveals major axon pathways by tracking the flow of water molecules through the brain. While the technique is still under development, researchers think it may have many useful clinical applications. This diffusion MRI image, from 2008, shows the brain of a patient who suffered a stroke in the thalamus and midbrain, resulting in broken and disrupted axon tracts (visible at bottom). Each line represents thousands of axons.

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quiroga canalizando …

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In the words of Immanuel Kant, the ego is “our precious little self.” Or as Eckhart Tolle calls it, “the voice in the head.” It isn’t who you really are, but the you that you think you are.

Each day, what you see in the mirror is the reflection of your physical being, and within, you may get glimpses of your unique personality in that reflection too, in between your laugh lines or furrowed brow. Still, it’s not really you.

Same thing with the roles you inhabit each day, and how they are reflected back to you: As friend, lover, parent, child, worker, boss. These are different selves we pick up each day as needed, as the situation or relationship summons them.

But knowing that these roles, as well as your reflection in the mirror, are not who you actuallyare is an important distinction to which all enlightened, sentient beings become aware.

With this background, we can better understand our shared fears and how to overcome them.

What is Real Fear?

Real fear is the body’s natural response to a threat.

Let’s say, for example, you’re proceeding cautiously through a green signal at an intersection when the driver of another car suddenly disregards his red signal, and drives through without stopping. Because you drive defensively, you’re able to maintain control and avoid a collision.

To do so, however, you are required to slam on the brakes, turn the wheel, and steer your car into a nearby ditch. To compound the seriousness of the situation, the driver of the other car never stops.

In an instant, your life flashes before you. Your heart pounds rapidly.  Perhaps you even shout an obscenity or two at the driver and shake your fist at him for being so stupid and irresponsible.

What are you feeling and experiencing?

This is real fear. Our body instinctively knows how to respond in a threatening situation, thanks to thousands of years of evolutionary history. You know it as “fight or flight.”

For as long as you live, you will occasionally find yourself in circumstances that necessitate an involuntary, automatic response to a real threat. This is normal and natural.

What is Psychological Fear?

Psychological fear is unnatural.

If we follow the example above, psychological fear is likely to appear later, when you’ve had time to reflect back on your close call. These reflections take on an added life when you share the story of the near collision with colleagues, family, and friends.

You can almost think of psychological fear as fear with an attitude.

Whenever fear ceases to be real fear and becomes psychological, it becomes ego-driven fear. As the voice in the head gets going, it’s prone to make a story out of the event, develop an attitude and opinion about it, and relive it in countless ways.

This remembrance manifests as anger, complaints, comments, and negativity. The longer the ego thinks about the incident, talks to itself about it, shapes a victim identity around it, and fashions it into a story to tell to others, the more personal the story becomes and the more anxious and offended the ego feels.

You will never overcome real fear. Nor should you. Ego-fear, however, can be overcome, if living from a place of peace and tranquility is your desire. And, who is it that does not desire peace?

Here are the five most important ways to overcome fear.

1. Know the difference.

Be aware of what you’re feeling—what triggered the physical and mental/emotional response—and make the distinction between the kind of fear or anxiety you are feeling.

2. Recognize fear in its other guise: worry.

This is the twin sister of fear and, while it may seem a little more socially acceptable, it is entirely ego-based, too. No less toxic, either. Worry is fear talking to itself; and it moves in one of two directions: either toward the past or the future.

That’s because worry feeds off memory, or the past, and anticipation, or the future.  Neither of which, I might add, is real.  Only what is now is real.  So, pay attention to the mental conversation you have around any fear you feel so that, when it begins to morph into worry—as all ego fear eventually does—you can better handle it.

3. Pay attention to the mental noise that typically begins with “My.”

Ego-fear and worry both concern themselves with the stuff that happened in “my life,” (or, didn’t happen, should have, or shouldn’t have happened, and so forth). Or, it concerns itself with “my” future, (what should happen or shouldn’t happen, what might happen or could happen, and so on).

“My” may make you feel empowered in the moment, but eventually “my” is isolating. It cuts you off from a collective spirit of support, abundance, and generosity. Yet, this is how most people live their lives almost continually.

So when “my” arises, take a moment to listen to its surrounding statement. Is it charged with ego-fear and worry?

4. Observe your thoughts of fear and your physical reactions to them.

Here is the key to overcoming fears: Do not fight them. Why? Because you can’t win.

Don’t punish yourself either, thinking you’ll never rid yourself of fear. Instead, observe your fears. In the East, this exercise is known as “the witnessing presence.”

When you observe the conversations in your head, as well as the emotional reactions to those conversations, you put a little distance between you, the real you, and the you who is upset—the ego self.

This distance creates a space of peace or what Zen Buddhists call “the space of no mind.” As you make this your spiritual practice, this space will widen and your state of mind will increasingly relax. Your fears will disappear, too.

5. Know that it takes practice.

Relaxing your mind takes repeated effort. However, people who discipline themselves in this regard will know “the peace that passes all understanding,” as Saint Paul put it.

Observing your fear is the dissolution of fear.  It IS that simple. I encourage you to practice this, over and over again, and see for yourself what happens.

www.stevemcswain.com. via tinybuddha

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quem pensa brilhar, não vai perceber

quem pensa estar dentro, na verdade está fora

quem pensa ser grande, não pode crescer

a palavra não diz, mas a atitude revela

por isso é preciso prestar atenção

reconhecer o espinho na rosa mais bela

e na mão que abençoa uma outra intenção

quem pretende ensinar, antes deve aprender

com a pureza da água e a doçura do mel

cuidar para o amor sempre prevalecer

ser um com a verdade, que está além do véu

chandra lacombe via andréblas

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For as long as I can remember, I have been a fugitive from my feelings.

Psychologists suggest that we are driven by two connected motivations: to feel pleasure and avoid pain. Most of us devote more energy to the latter than the former.

Instead of being proactive and making choices for our happiness, we react to things that happen in our lives, and fight or flee to minimize our pain.

Instead of deciding to end an unhealthy relationship and open up to a better one, we may stay and either avoid confrontation or initiate one to feel a sense of control. Instead of leaving a horrible job to find one we love, we may stay and complain about it all the time, trying to minimize the pain of accepting the situation as real—and enduring until we change it.

From a very young age, I felt overwhelmed by pain. As a pre-teen, I ate my feelings. As a teen, I starved them away. In college, I drank and smoked them numb. And in my twenties, I felt and cried my eyes red and raw.

I sobbed. I wailed. I shook and convulsed. And I wished I’d never chosen to feel them, but rather kept pushing them down, pretending everything was fine.

Except when I did that, they didn’t just go away—they compounded on top each other and built up until eventually I exploded, with no idea why I felt so bad.

One time when I was 17, I couldn’t open a jar of jelly. After ten minutes of twisting, banging, and fighting, I finally threw it at a wall and broke down.

You may think that was a sure sign I had emotional problems, and assume there was some pill to help anesthetize that sadness.

That’s what a lot of people thought. But the reality was a lot simpler: I simply never dealt with my feelings from events large and small, and eventually they dealt with me.

As unpleasant as it may sound, I needed to learn how to feel bad—but first I needed to understand why I felt bad so often. It’s a whole lot easier to deal with pain when it’s not the default feeling.

This, I’ve learned, comes down to three steps:

1. Developing emotional intelligence.
2. Learning to sit with negative feelings.
3. Creating situations for positive feelings.

Emotional Intelligence

Researchers originated this idea as the missing link in terms of success and effectiveness in life. It didn’t seem to make sense why people with high IQs and superior reasoning, verbal, and math skills could still struggle in social and professional situations.

If you have a high EIQ, you likely regulate your emotions well; handle uncertainties and difficulties without excessive panic, stress, and fear; and avoid overreacting to situations before knowing the full details.

If you have a low EIQ, you might be oversensitive to other people’s feelings in response to you; obsess about problems until you find a concrete solution; and frequently feel a tsunami of emotions that you can’t attribute to a specific life event. Or in other words, you may feel bad far more often than you feel good.

Some Steps to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence:

1. Understand what emotional intelligence looks like.

Psychologist Daniel Goleman identified five elements to EI: self awareness, self regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. This means you understand what’s going on in your head and heart; you don’t make hasty decisions on impulse; you can motivate yourself to delay gratification; you listen to, understand, and relate to other people well; and you’re able to focus on other people.

You can read more about these ideas in Goleman’s book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More than IQ.

2. Use meditation to regulate emotions.

Last year, I began exploring emotional intelligence after meeting Google’s Chade-Meng Tan, and listed a few meditation tips to help with EI. It’s infinitely easier to deal with emotions as they arise if you’ve already done a little work to create a calm inner space.

3. Take an honest look at your reactions.

Do you frequently jump to conclusions without knowing all the facts? Do you need other people’s approval to feel comfortable in your own skin? Do you assume you know what other people feel and take responsibility for that? Do you freak out over stressful situations, blaming other people, getting hard on yourself, and panicking over possible consequences?

4. Practice observing your feelings and taking responsibility for them.

It’s not always easy to understand a feeling when it happens, especially if you think youshouldn’t feel it; but forget about should. Instead, try to pinpoint exactly what you feel—scared, frustrated, worried, ashamed, agitated, angry—and then pinpoint what might be the cause.Reserve all judgment.

Simply find the cause and effect, i.e.: your employer seemed unhappy with your work, so now you feel stressed, or your significant other expressed dissatisfaction, so now you feel scared. Anytime you feel something uncomfortable that you’d rather avoid, put a magnifying glass on it.

Once you know what you feel, you can now challenge both the cause and the effect.

You can ask yourself whether or not you’re overreacting to the event or worrying to find a sense of control. And then you can accept that there is an alternative—you can choose to interpret the situation a different way, soothe yourself, and then feel something different. No one else causes our feelings. Only we can choose and change them.

Learn to Sit with Negative Feelings

Even if you reframe a situation to see things differently, there will be times when you still feel something that seems negative. While not every situation requires panic, sometimes our feelings are appropriate for the events going on in our lives.

We are allowed to feel whatever we need to feel. If we lose someone, we’re allowed to hurt. If we hurt someone, we’re allowed to feel guilty. If we make a mistake, we’re allowed to feel regretful. Positive thinking can be a powerful tool for happiness, but it’s more detrimental than helpful if we use it to avoid dealing with life.

Pain is part of life, and we can’t avoid it by resisting it. We can only minimize it by accepting it and dealing with it well.

That means feeling the pain and knowing it will pass. No feeling lasts forever. It means sitting in the discomfort and waiting before acting. There will come a time when you feel healed and empowered.

I don’t regret much in life, but in retrospect, some of the most damaging decisions I have made have resulted from me feeling the need to do something with my emotions. I’d feel angry and want to hurt someone. Or I’d feel ashamed and want to hurt myself.

Our power comes from realizing we don’t need to act on pain; and if we need to diffuse it, we can channel it into something healthy and productive, like writing, painting, or doing something physical.

Pain is sometimes an indication we need to set boundaries, learn to say no more often, or take better care of ourselves; but sometimes it just means that it’s human to hurt, and we need to let ourselves go through it.

Create Situations for Positive Feelings

This is the last part of the puzzle. As I mentioned before, we tend to be more reactive than active, but that’s a decision to let the outside world dictate how we feel.

We don’t need to sit around waiting for other people to evoke our feelings. Instead, we can take responsibility to create our own inner world.

We can identify what we want to say yes to in life and choose that before struggling with whether or not to say not to someone else. If you love dancing, take a class. If your greatest passion is writing, start a blog. If you daydream about being a musician, start recording.

Don’t worry about where it’s leading. Do it just because you love it. For me, this is Community Theater. I performed all growing up, and yet I hardly ever did in my 20s. There was always an excuse—I was too busy or I couldn’t find an audition.

Last year I defied those beliefs and auditioned for Gypsy in San Mateo. I didn’t get cast—likely because I somehow developed two left feet after nearly a decade without moving to music—but I remembered how much I love acting. And I felt a renewed sense of confidence when the director pulled me aside and said I should audition for the next show because my scene was powerful.

I need more of that. We all need more of that. We need to do the things we love—or as Sonya Derian phrased it: make feeling good our new religion.

Concluding Thoughts

Negative feelings are only negative if they’re excessive and enduring. We won’t hurt ourselves into eternal misery if we let ourselves feel what we need to.

Still, we don’t have to feel bad nearly as often as we think.

If we choose to foster a sense of inner peace, challenge our perceptions and interpretations when our emotions could use some schooling, and learn to take responsibility for our joy, we can not only minimize pain—we can choose to be a source of pleasure, for ourselves and the people around us.

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